its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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