We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
