the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
