I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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