your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize