Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
