have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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