she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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