apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
