I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
