I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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