blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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