If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize