There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
