dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
