somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
