u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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