walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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