Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
