my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
