I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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