genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
