K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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