I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize