if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
