2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
