but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
