I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
