i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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