you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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