just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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