you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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