i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize