Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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