community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
