I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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