what if every blade of grass was a penis?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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