your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
