Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
