I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
