Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
