My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
