Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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