It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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