i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
