I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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