you guys were way drunker than both of me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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