WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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