i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Boobs are out for the taking
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
