Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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