I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
