I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize