I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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