Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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