is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize