with your own penis?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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