I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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