Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize