My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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