After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize