so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
