i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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