Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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