quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
