I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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