I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize