Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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