It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
