I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it was like eating out sand paper
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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