you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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