Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize