Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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