now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Boobs speak an international language.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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