I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize