we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
a search helicopter?!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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