You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
