Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
a search helicopter?!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
