He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
