pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I want to make a zoo with you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
3pm strippers are depressing
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize