bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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