swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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