White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
