You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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