I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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