so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
