Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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