Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
