Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
