There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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